The Kitchen

"My biggest fear is that I don't have control of my anger Abaddon. I..." I stoppped and paused. "Have you forgiven her for what she did to you?"

"I guess I have in a sense, she only took my flesh Sorsha, she did not take anything else. Im not going to lie to you, there was a time I felt guilty for what transpired, but fuck it Im not going to let her actions affect me, I only let in what I want. So yeah Im moving passed what happened because dwelling on what happened will just eat at me. " I paused to cuddle Sosanna who had started to grizzle.

"Look Sorsha the thing is, what she did doesnt mean shit in the grand scheme of things, so what if she feels that way about me. All that matters is how I feel about you right?"

"Boo" I reach my hand out and lay it on the table palm up. He reaches out and takes it and as I close my hand around his I start running my thumb over his knuckles. I just stare at our hands "It is the only thing that matters. I know that. In my heart and my head. And you're not saying anything I haven't told myself over and over. I'm just still so angry with her."

I paused as I looked back up at him. "I'm glad that you don't feel guilty anymore because it was nothing you did. It was done to you. They took advantage of you Abaddon, took you against your will. You may call it taking your flesh but I have another word for it and I'm sorry but it's the one thing she's ever done that I may never forgive her for. I'm trying to get to a point where I am not angry about it." I say shaking my head "but I'm not there yet Boo." I paused and chuckled a little. "What's funny is I have forgiven your brother. His motivation I at least understand. But her, I'll never fucking understand anything that tsoula does."

"This fear of mine you speak of, it isn't anything to do with you or her really. It's me, my reaction to her. What I might do if she looks at you the wrong way or hell, even just says something to piss me off. Which knowing her she would do on purpose. My fear is that I wouldn't be able to stop myself from killing her. That was why I didn't want you to go. It wasn't because I don't trust you Boo, because I do. Implicitly. And it isn't even that I don't trust her, although I don't. It's me I don't trust, my feelings towards her. I've been seeing red whenever I have been near her since then. And taking Taran?" I scoffed "Yeah if I lost it I think he would help me."

I looked down at our joined hands again. It was weird, I wasn't even sure I was going to be able to talk about it without getting fucked off but right now, holding his hand..... I felt calm. Calmer than I had ever felt talking or thinking about it, no tinge of anger at all. I looked back up at him and smiled. "This might sound silly, but would come with me and hold my hand?"

I laughed, so she'd come full circle. "Okay, we could leave the moncha's with their Senathair right?"

"Yeah. I'm sure that won't be a problem. And if it is I would bet we could find someone else. They certainly don't lack for babysitters" I say smiling which turns into a grin "I definitely don't want them there if I end up killing their Grandmother" I paused then added "kidding. Besides if I really do lose it you could always pull me into you and suck my magic out with your wards" Why didn't I think of that earlier? I let out a sigh. "I know, I'm a psycho, especially when it comes to you. You can say it" He looks at me with a shit eating grin.

I looked down at Caden and then grabbed a napkin to wipe his mouth, as he had bean juice all over. As I stared down at his little smiling face he kicks his legs out and gurgles happily. For some reason I felt like we hadn't spent much time with them lately. Was that true? I shook myself from my thoughts and looked back at Abaddon. "Did you want to go today? Now? Get it over with. Or did you want to go tomorrow? It doesn't matter much to me one way or the other."

Sosanna looked up at me with her big green eyes and touched my chin. I smiled at her and she giggled. "You decide." I say too Sorsha while looking down at Sosanna.

"Alright" I let out a long breath. "Let's have a day with the kids then. I miss them" I say looking down at Caden. A part of me wanted to just go see Hecate and get it over with, and well another part could care less if I ever saw her again. I looked back up at Abaddon. "Then, maybe after dinner we could take them to my father and go see Hecate then." I paused watching him and Sosanna together "I don't plan on being there that long anyway" I mumbled.

"What ever you decide." I ate slowly, for some reason I didnt feel like talking, I just wanted some quiet something peaceful where no one else could tread. Sosanna looked up at me, smiling her dimply chubby face screwing up as she did. How much she reminded me of her mother. I laughed again as I felt rumbling in her pants. She grinned. "Thanks a bundle." I laugh.

I grinned "She leave you a present baby?" He nods. "You ready to head home?" I looked down at Caden who seemed on the verge of giggling. **I can't imagine you are too far behind.**

"Home sounds good, um I think we should ask for a picnic lunch, sound good baby?" She nods. We pick up our plates and head back into the kitchen to put our dishes on the bench as we approach I notice that Ameil is packing a basket. I nod my head at the man he is a genius. "Thank you Ameil." he waves me off and I take Sorsha's hand. "Ready baby."

"Yep" I said before I shifted Caden so I could hold him and the basket at the same time while holding Abaddon's hand. I rise up to give him a quick kiss **I love you Boo** I said before I took us home.

We pull up outside the kitchen, taking the kids in the seats into the kitchen. Ameil is standing next to one of the hobs brewing coffee, with his arms crossed. I laugh lightly before saying... "Good morning Ameil I'll have steak eggs and chips for breakfast please." He cocks a brow and raises one arm and points with his pointer towards the chiller unit. I crack up laughing. "Yeah yeah I know, what you want baby?" I say turning to Sorsha as I put Sosanna onto the bench.

I leaned back against one of the counters, my stomach doing little flips. I put my hand over it "Boo, I'm not all that hungry. I'll eat later"

"Okay then why dont you go get your dad then or do you want to watch your man in action?" I wagged my eyebrows at her. As I came out of the chiller carrying my food.

"As much as I'd like to watch you "in action" baby, I think I will go see if Athair is around." And maybe throw up while I am at it. Gods why the hell am I so nervous about seeing Hecate? I walked out of the kitchen lost in my thoughts.

Mmm I wonder if she is nervous? I get too cooking my breakfast after asking Ameil if he'd like any, which he declined. Setting myself up at the counter I watched him work away easily. ALl the while just eating quietly. Once I'd finished we headed towards Finvarra's chambers

We materialized in the kitchen, I holding Caden Finn and Sorsha holding Sosanna. I bent down too kiss the two of them before they wondered off to find Senathair. Once Sorsha was out of the room I approached Ameil.

"By any chance you dont happen too have a devils food cake some where in this kitchen?"

I nodded holding Caden, I grabbed all the stuff needed and brought it over too the counter. Ameil held his hands out for Caden who jumped ship immediately. Following Ameils instructions, I broke the chocolate into small bits, placing it into a double boiler pot, I put it on the head. Grabbing out another bowl, I whipped the soft butter until it was creamy, adding the pre sifted confectionery sugar too it bit by bit. By the time I had finished the chocolate was now melted, pouring it into my butter mixture I mixed it vigorously, whipping the chocolaty mixture until it was all blended. Then I began too ice the cake.

"Mmm Im thinking a picnic, basket, with Juice, and wines. Cheese boards, breads, fruits, salads, antipasto, mmm what do you think?"

"Mmmm no I think we will have takeaways tonight. Yes Im feeling for some fish and chips. Thanks Ameil. He smiles and says I am welcome. Leaving the packed baskets on the bench I make my way towards Finvarra's chambers...